What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
