I cockslap morals
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
