You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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