dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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