well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
should my penis look like a turkey
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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