You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
