i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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