Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
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