Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
