i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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