Jerry, you need to find god
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
