The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
