drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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