Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
