Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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