They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
