So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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