I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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