I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
where are my eyebrows?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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