i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
