Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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