It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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