hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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