i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
is it fun? or sober?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
