I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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