The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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