I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
