So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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