End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
