he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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