Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
