life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
