Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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