you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
