Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
