she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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