Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize