I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
