can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
