What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
