$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
