I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
