You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize