So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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