Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
