If that was your dad, he is hot
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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