How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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