And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
