and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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