So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
