He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
