The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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