Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
