before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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