I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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