I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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