did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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