I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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