we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
