My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
