there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
