I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
