??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My penis needs a shock collar
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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