I have demons in me.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
