You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
