is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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