I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
