guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize