God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
