you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
