He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
