I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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