Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
