onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
