Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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