A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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