Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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