Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
