I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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