You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I look better un-naked...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize