Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
