I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
