when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
