I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
