What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
