I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize