everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
